Monday, May 28, 2007

re: Over The Line team registration

To: ***, OTL Committee
Re: potential team registration

Hi ***,

I’m a jackass who failed to get a job done. After being charged with getting the team registered this year, I completely forgot that registrations were on May 5 – until mid-day on May 6, when the enormity of what I’d done hit like a ton of bricks.

After scouring San Diego County for details on how we might still grab a slot in the tournament, my teammates and I have come to your contact information – and you are our only hope. If there’s still a slot left in the Men’s Open, or anywhere else you could use us, we’d love to take it.

Thanks for your tolerance,

*********

Monday, May 7, 2007

There are several good reasons to quit drinking…

You can always be the driver.
Which, if you have a clean car with a decent stereo system, is fun.

At concerts, you’re able to listen to the music with a clear ear.
As a not-insignificant bonus, you can dance without dancing like a buffoon.

Being able to mingle and hang out without having to get tipsy is a sign of maturity.
Being able to dance without having to get tipsy is a sign of a true dance floor mac.

You’re at much less risk of crashing a car.
You’re at much less risk of getting hit by a car.
You’re at much less risk of not being able to perform in the backseat of a car.

At bars, you save tons of money.
At bars, you only hit on people that you find attractive.

An opportunity to withstand peer pressure is test of character.

You generally manage to avoid urinating in public.
You generally manage to avoid urinating in your bed.

You only puke when you’ve got the flu.
Or when you’ve eaten some bad cream of sum yung gai.

You never waste a day of work because of a hangover.
More importantly, you never waste a day of the rest of your life because of a hangover.

And most importantly:
You can still smoke a little ****.